On the phone ...

Me: I would like some clarification regarding duties paid on parcel number 'xyz'.
Her: Yes, Sir, how may I help?
Me: I would like to know why I had to pay CHF 99 duties for a used article.
Her: You didn't Sir. That was CHF 65 duties; CHF 18 fees; CHF 10 Storage and
CHF 6 because the parcel had to be opened.
Me: But I never had to pay duties on a used article before!
Her: In that case, Sir, you must have ticked the wrong boxes.
Me: Which boxes?!
Her: Of the customs declaration on the parcel.
Me: Come again – How can I tick boxes on a parcel I haven't received yet?
Her: In that case, the person who sent the parcel made the mistake.
Me: I would like to apply for the return of duties and fees.
Her: The fees can't be returned; you may apply to have the duties returned
but it will cost you CHF 30 in fees.
Me: O.K. Nice joke. Can you set the ball rolling for me?
Her: I'm not joking, you have to pay CHF 30, that leaves you with CHF 35.
You have to apply yourself.
Me: I am myself.
Her: You have to make a written application and return all of the papers.
Me: Look – you have everything you need on your screen at this very moment.
Would you please be kind enough to push the button marked reimburse for me.
Her: I don't have that button, you have to make a written application and
return all of the papers.
Me: But this is ridiculous.
Her: You have to make a written application and return all of the papers.
Me: But ...
Her: You have to make a written application and return all of the papers.
Me: Have you ever heard of rendition of services?
Her: You have to make a written application and return all of the papers.

Oops - I broke the phone, banging it on my desk!