... or Swiss German

Swiss German is basically Middle-High-German, but whereas the language in Germany has transformed and progressed, Swiss German has stood still for some centuries.

I understand Eastern Swiss German quite well (there are different dialects across the country just like anywhere else) but whenever I open my mouth to talk to someone, they immediately switch from Swiss German to [what they think is] High German!

Of course, I can tell them 'Sie chönnt Tüütsch rede - you may speak Swiss' but as soon as a single word crops up, that I didn't understand and I ask for it to be repeated, they immediately switch back to German! It can be very frustrating.

I thought perhaps I might be able to solve the problem by learning to speak Schwiizertüütsch myself, after all I picked up Brummy English and Swabian German quite easily!

'To qualify to learn Swiss German one has to be fluent in German'
it says in the brochure.
Well, no problem there - the Swiss assume that I'm German when I open my mouth to speak ...
... so I enrolled - there was no test beforehand.
Now, I do not wish to be racially discriminating, after all, I'm foreign myself – wherever I go! But the other five people in my course were: two Thai ladies (who insisted in talking Thai throughout lessons), one Indian Lady (whose Saris I liked very much), a Russian girl and an Albanian gentleman.
None of these people were able to build a correct German sentence; the Thai and the Indian ladies pronounced the text in the textbook as if it were English.
We [I] got nowhere at all with our lessons!
After five lessons, I was so frustrated at having learned zilch, that I gave up and stopped visiting classes!

Perhaps I shall never learn to speak Swiss German after all - perhaps I don't need to imitate the Swiss? But how can I stop them from trying to wrap their tongues around High German when they talk to me?

Here are some interesting Swiss German words for you:

Bireweich – As soft as a pear – silly, stupid
Chäuzgi – Chewing gum
Chlüpperli – Clothes pegs
Drufabe – Afterwards
Nòòdisnòò – Bit by bit
Goofe – Children
Liismele – Knit
Vertschudlet – tousled

One of my favourite sentences: Chasch mr es teleofo geh. – You can give me a Telephone – You can call me. (If the first word is raised in tone, it is a question)
I brought one of my colleagues a telephone once when he 'asked for one' and he gave me a blank look!
One of my all time favorites: Chan ii e [Zigarett] - Can I a [cigarette] (please insert an object of your choice)
Sorry?! What happened to the verb - what exactly would you like to do with that cigarette?